When Two Heirs want the same Heirloom

Solving a family dilemma

Solutions to Dividing a Loved One's Estate

Dealing with family tensions and finding equitable answers are the key

It is a difficult and trying experience when children and other heirs have to divide the personal belongings of their parents. Sometimes the resulting disagreements can last a lifetime. That is why I wrote my new book, How to Divide Your Family’s Estate and Heirlooms Peacefully & Sensibly.

What Should I Keep When Cleaning Out Dad’s House?

Don’t take things just to take them

Don’t sell, give away, or donate anything until a professional has examined it. So many boomers throw away or give away personal possessions worth a fortune, simply because they don’t know the values. Tell everyone no until the appraiser has reviewed everything. The cost to pay a personal property appraiser is nothing compared to what you could find, not to mention the peace of mind it will give you!

Places to Find Hidden Treasure

Use your detective skills

Many older people have a long-term distrust of banks and often hide their valuables in the strangest places. If your parents are European immigrants, they have an even greater tendency to do this, and if either parent has dementia or Alzheimer’s, they likely have hidden things and forgotten about them.

6 Practical Ways to Help Your Parents This Fall

Always approach them with love

You can’t take it with you! If they are able, suggest to your parents that they write a master list of who should get what and give the document to the executor. Or they can ask each child what he or she would like to have, and put that on a “wish list.” A document cuts down on the “he-said-she-said” that often occurs when settling an estate.

Important Tips When Dealing with Personal Property from an Estate

Don’t do ANYTHING until you know what it is and what it’s worth

When a loved one becomes infirm or passes away, the handling of the estate and contents lands on the lap of the heir(s). If the heir is prepared, it will go much easier than if he or she operates in a crisis mode. All too often, I see children who don’t know anything about the estate and contents. It’s like they are literally walking into a dark house and starting from scratch with no guidance.

Estate Etiquette Solutions

Try everything you can to keep the peace

As promised last week, here’s how you can contribute to a more peaceful resolution when dividing heirlooms in your parents’ estate.

Estate Etiquette

Most feuds break out for four basic reasons

It’s an observation worth noting: when it comes to dividing heirlooms and estate contents, everyone tenses up and no one wants to be the first to talk. You can sense the apprehension in the room, and it appears as if everyone is trying to predict what others will do. Will my sister make a fuss? Will my brother want the same things I want, and if so, what do we do? Will there be fighting and resentment?

Think Before You Throw: How to GO GREEN When Clearing Out an Estate

Do it for the earth, and do it for your pocket!

Donating, recycling, and selling are less expensive than a dumpster and may provide cash for your unwanted items. They may also provide a tax deduction or help out a worthy cause. Use your imagination when deciding where things could go, other than black trash bags! Can someone use your items in some form or fashion? This is the ultimate in recycling.

Mom and Dad Left Us a Mess!

A common dilemma facing the “Sandwich Generation”

Question: My mother died a few months ago, leaving me completely overwhelmed with the accumulated mess she left behind. Though I tried to offer help on many occasions through the years, she would hear no part of clearing out her stuff. I spend most of my days in tears, resentful that she left me this mess, squeezed between her affairs and my family and job. Do you have any advice for me to handle this daunting task? Can you at least tell others not to do this to their children?