The Last Blog Entry

It's time

Mom is doing just fine. As a matter of fact, her diabetes is so stable that the glucose checks are down to once a week for another few weeks; thereafter, they’ll be done every two weeks. The woman is going to live forever, or so it seems. Read More >>

Sons and Mothers

So why should sons get involved in long-term care?

A strange-looking woman, she (I’ll call her Ivy) is tall and lean, with an almost athletic posture. She wears a large neck brace that was probably designed to keep her head from totally flopping over. In fact, without the brace, it looks as if her head might fall off. At one time in her life, Ivy was probably very attractive, but not now. I heard it had something to do with a medication reaction. Read More >>

Fine Clothing, Part Deux

The pink sweater

Reorganizing the dresser drawers is now a regular part of my visits to Mom. It didn’t start out that way; but this year, when spring turned to summer, I went through mom’s drawers to see if she needed more lightweight clothing and if I needed to store some of her warmer things at my house.

What a mess! Nothing was properly folded. Nothing was in order. The tops and pants were rolled up together and the nice cotton tops were rolled in a drawer, along with someone else’s clothes that weren’t even her size, not even close. All the nice pants, where were they? And the expensive thermal tops, where were they? I was really pissed. Read More >>

It’s a Miracle!

Enjoy those moments of “presence”

For the past couple of months, I have seen my mom decline physically and cognitively. She has lost weight and seems almost unresponsive to voice. My family and I ate Thanksgiving dinner at her assisted living, and though she ate rather continually, she was silent and noncommunicative. I thought it was  getting closer to the end. Read More >>

A Good Enough Daughter’s Tips for Enjoying the Holiday Season

Making things as easy and stress free as possible

Tips to enjoy the season with your old, frail, possibly demented family member are easy to find on the Internet. Just type “ caregiver holiday tips” into your search engine, and a long list of Web site options will be displayed on your screen.

While I have tremendous respect for anyone who develops a holiday tip list, I find that many of those tips don’t apply to my situation. My mother lives in a dementia-oriented assisted living center in Seattle and may not have far to go. Read More >>

Caregiving Plans

One person’s good idea is another’s disaster in waiting

My friend Irene is now in charge of managing care for her mother-in-law. Other family members are in the area, including a son, but the job has gone to Irene. In her typically intelligent fashion, Irene did the research, called the experts, and asked a lot of questions. She gained a good understanding of the process and is prepared for the task. That said, I think she has set up a caregiving situation that, from my perspective, is fraught with problems. Read More >>

Our Houses Aren't the Enemy: We Are

Are we kidding ourselves?

Denial of need, current and future, has been a recurring theme lately. We have a push to get people out of nursing homes and into independent living, and we have boomers who want (mostly) to age in their own homes, generally in the suburbs. Although they want lots of technology and community services, they don't see a priority for wide doorways or separate showers that could make bathing safer, according to the latest NAHB/MetLife 55+ Housing Study. Meanwhile, the worldwide home health monitoring market was estimated at $11 billion in 2008. Which raises a question: Should everyone who is monitored for chronic disease at home really be there? And where are the transportation systems that will support suburban seniors who can no longer drive? Read More >>

The Three Plagues of Long-term Care: Loneliness, Helplessness, and Boredom

“Because three hots and a cot” is just not good enough

I want to throw my purse at long-term care facility administrators who say, because of financial restraints, that they cannot intentionally and successfully address what Dr. Bill Thomas calls the “three plagues” of long-term care: loneliness, helplessness, and boredom. Their thinking goes, if facilities would only take in more money, there would be enough resources to deal with those problems. Claptrap. It’s not about money—it’s about culture and priorities. Read More >>

Long-term Care Insurance: Some Initial Thoughts

Let’s start with some assertions that may not be obvious

This month’s blog postings are about long-term care insurance. Do you need it? How much will it cost? What are some options for financing it? Read More >>

Help! My Mother Is Dying of Boredom

Grateful for the care, yet . . .

My mother appears to be quietly fading. I understand the process of dementia, but she seems so vacant, partly because of the relentless boredom she lives with. Gaffney House has been home to my mother for almost a year. Overall, I think the staff does a remarkable job caring for very disabled people. Read More >>