Courtesy of Minding Our Elders

As we watch loved ones suffer with health issues and decline, it’s not always easy to find anything to be grateful for. Even though most of us know that many people face harsher circumstances than we do, it’s human nature to succumb to self-pity. It’s easier to slide into a negative mindset when we feel lonely, isolated, or forgotten in our troubles than it is to find things for which to be grateful.

Yet, Thanksgiving, the holiday many of us will celebrate this week, is supposed to be about gratitude. How do we reconcile our troubled feelings with the call for a thankful heart? How do we find grateful feelings when must bear witness, daily, to the pain of our loved ones? Indeed, why should we even try?

We try because, by finding even small things in our lives to feel grateful for, we grow. Troubles seem easier to bear. Life’s patterns seem clearer, even though we generally need hindsight to see this blessing.

Years ago, a failed brain surgery put my dad into instant, severe dementia. I will admit it was very difficult at the time to find much in the scenario to feel grateful for. The struggle to cope with Dad’s dementia lasted a full decade before he passed away under the loving care of hospice.

Dad’s struggle, plus the aging and debilitating diseases that slowly, often painfully, took the lives of six other elders whom I loved, had such a lasting effect on me that a late-blossoming career emerged from the experience.

I felt the need to do what I could to help break the isolation for other caregivers. The only way I knew to do that was to share my caregiving journey through writing. Since that time, a caregiving support book, this column, and many other opportunities have provided me with ways to connect with other caregivers and perhaps offer some comfort.

Most of us who measure our past in decades know that pain often foreshadows blessings. Few of us can make sense of pain, decline, and misery, but we can learn to accept our lives as they are and perhaps use our experiences to help others.

This acceptance of life as it is, rather than as we’d like it, can help us see the many blessings we have been given. If we work at finding gratitude in our lives, challenges can be easier to face. If you feel alone this Thanksgiving, reach out to someone else. You’ll feel better for it. For me, reaching out was my saving grace.