Courtesy of M.J. Ryan

Some years ago, I was having money troubles and needed to sell my house and move to somewhere smaller. My mother was horrified. “What will your friends and neighbors think?” she cried. “That I had to downsize,” I replied.

Staying financially healthy these days often brings the need to scale back, and we may be feeling embarrassed. We don’t want others to know that we have huge credit card debt or lost our job. We want to feel—and appear—competent to run our own lives successfully. And the fact that we have to get our clothes at Goodwill, for instance, may now feel like some kind of a failure that we need to hide from others. But when we focus on what others may think of us, we run the danger of losing touch with the good choices we need to make to adapt.

One of the advantages of what’s happening right now is that it’s happening to everyone. Virtually no one is immune. Whether what you’re coping with is having to lay off the gardener or having to declare bankruptcy, you’re not alone. What will the neighbors think? They’re too busy thinking about their own need to scale back to give yours much attention, unless it’s to wish they had your worries. Remembering we’re all in a similar boat can be helpful.

The other best thing we can do is to focus on the upside of the adapting we’re doing. Psychologists call this reframing. I have a friend in her late 60s who has an absolutely gorgeous cottage that she has decorated completely from castoffs she’s found in the street and items from Goodwill and other used goods places. The story she tells herself is not, “I’m so poor I have to find things on the street” but, “I love to find discarded treasures and fix them up. I love to create a beautiful space from virtually nothing.” The second story focuses on the upside of what she’s doing and allows her to hold her head up high.

Here’s some research to inspire your reframing. Psychology professor Tim Kasser, author of The High Price of Materialism, did a study that compared 200 voluntary simplifiers (folks who’ve chosen to live simply) with average folks. He found that even though the simplifiers made an average of $15,000 less than the other group, they were “significantly happier.” In fact, he found, the things we think we want—money, stuff, status—leads to dissatisfaction, even depression. “People who pursue intrinsic values—self-acceptance, making the world a better place, helping polar bears—are much happier,” he explains. So chances are the changes you’re making can lead to greater happiness, not less.

Once you’ve reframed your downsizing for yourself, talk to others about the positive changes you’re making. Shame grows in the dark of silence. As the wise woman Maya Angelou said, you can be changed by circumstances, but you don’t have to be reduced by them.