Courtesy of Minding Our Elders

Dear Carol: My dad is in mid-stage Alzheimer’s disease and refuses any help offered. My two sisters and I have been trying to get him to move from his house for years. He refuses all help, including in-home assistance, and won’t see a specialist for his dementia. He has even stopped seeing his regular doctor. He gets more isolated by the day. His short-term memory is nearly gone, and he is paranoid about people breaking into his house. Yet he refuses to move. We haven’t been able to get him to do the paperwork for a power of attorney. What can we do? —Ginny

Dear Ginny: I wish I could say this is a unique question, but it’s not. It’s frighteningly common. Since you can’t get anyone into the home to help, such as an in-home agency, and he’s paranoid and isolated, I would think a memory unit in an assisted living center would be a good choice. The problem, of course, is how to get him there.

I often recommend third-party intervention, because many people resent their kids “telling them what to do.” Unfortunately, the sicker they become, the more they resist.

Of course, a power of attorney for financial decisions, as well as a health directive (or POA for health care), plus HIPAA documents (health privacy forms) that allow you to access your dad’s medical records and accompany him during exams, should have been signed years ago. Obviously, you’ve tried and he won’t do this. A good friend of his, if he has any left, could perhaps sway him, so I’d try that route first.

Your best resource may be the Alzheimer’s organization in your community. Visit the Alzheimer’s Association Web site to enter your ZIP code and find your local organization. Their help-line number is (800) 272-3900.

I’d also suggest you go to your state Web site and type “aging” into the search box. There you will find a version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. These people are helpful and understanding. They won’t find any questions that you have unusual.

For the worst-case scenario with your dad, you could call Social Services. They can do a welfare check on him and may be able to get him help. In the end, you may need to go to court for guardianship rights. Most of us would rather not do this, but it’s sometimes necessary for the safety of the elder. Good luck.