The Last Uncle
“Please take good care of Uncle Marty. He’s my last uncle, you know.” Those were the words my nephew Drew said to me after learning of the recent death of my husband’s brother, Bob.
There were three brothers: Bob, Melvin and Marty. It was the middle brother, Melvin, Drew’s father, who died first, at age 52. That was before coronary bypass surgery became common. All three brothers suffered from heart disease, as did all their male cousins—a truly genetic pattern. So when the other two brothers were told that they were candidates for coronary bypass surgery, they opted for the operation. That was many years ago. Bob lived to be 90.
Drew’s comment caused me to focus on how each relative viewed Bob’s death. Bob’s one remaining daughter wept profusely and unashamedly as she read words at the memorial service and celebration of his life. She felt his death in a profound way. Her mother and sister were gone, and she was unmarried and without children of her own. She was truly alone. She was fortunate to have a loving friend whom she referred to as her fiancé. He would look after her. But when it came to family—blood relatives—the closest ones to her were two nieces, and they were busy with their own lives.
Bob’s granddaughters wept, too. Losing a grandfather is pretty significant, and they felt his death deeply. Many of us can recall losing our grandparents. Those were the first deaths I really experienced. But I was young and, somehow, expected my elderly grandparents to die.
There were other nephews and nieces, and for them, too, Bob had been an uncle. In recent years, one nephew, my son Mark, had become Bob’s close caregiver, the one who scheduled his medical and dental appointments, gave the family updates on his health, and caressed his brow in his last hours of life. Bob was his last uncle.
Men look to older men for role models and patterns of how to live, work, dress, and behave. Fathers are important, but uncles have a way of being a bit more objective, more like a friend than an older relative. Uncles are few and precious.
