Courtesy of Minding Our Elders

Dear Carol: I’d skipped over your column for a long time, until a friend clued me in that much of your caregiving information, and many of the questions and answers, can apply to caregivers across the board.

I care for my disabled son, who is in his thirties. Getting him services has been hard, and it’s been even harder for me not to do everything for him, since I love him, and he is, and always will be, my son. I just wanted you to know that caregiving advice and support are universal. —Jean

Dear Jean: Thank you for your kind words. I, too, believe most caregiver support can be used for caregivers in general. Whether we are caring for our parents, our spouse, our growing family, or a disabled child or friend, we are caregivers, and chances are great that we are emotionally, and often physically, stretched to the limit.

When people we love are vulnerable, it’s natural to want to protect them and give them the best quality of life we can. That often takes sacrifice on our part, but that’s okay. We are willing, and the qualities it takes to give to others are admirable.

The trick is to know when to get help in our caregiving so that we can refresh ourselves and even have a little bit of life where we feel free to make choices to benefit ourselves. There’s a huge difference between selfishness and self-care.

I’m sure, Jean, that you give your all to your son. However, I hope you are taking advantage of respite care for him and all the services he is entitled to. One place I advise people to investigate is their state Web site. Each state has a main site, and they have a version of “aging services” available on that site. Most also have a section for disability services as well.

The National Family Caregiver Support Program is federally funded; each state has offerings under a similar title. States have the option to offer the services they deem necessary, so the program isn’t the same everywhere. However, I urge you to check out this program. Also, in most states, you can call 2-1-1, which is a helpline where you can get access to many services.

Caregivers of all stripes need support. We need to be there for each other, and we need to spread the word about any support system we find useful. Take care of yourself, too, Jean. Your son needs you.