Courtesy of Carolyn L. Rosenblatt

This thief is gaming you!

I gave Gloria a heads-up. This thief is gaming you. The "poor me" story is a trick to get your sympathy and it was working. You must immediately change the bank accounts, cancel any credit cards to which the caregiver could have had access and change all passwords in your electronic banking. Also, you must call the police before the caregiver steals from anyone else. There needs to be a public record of this.

"There's no way to really prove it," Gloria says. Not so, Gloria. Ever hear of circumstantial evidence? I told her, “no one else had access and there was no one else in the house that could have taken the money.”

The caregiver was fired immediately. Good. At least we can stop further damage from lifting cash. However, identify theft and fraudulent use of credit card numbers remains a risk. That risk can continue for many months, even years.

Gloria is very hesitant to take it upon herself to stop George from handling cash any longer. He has always done his own banking. He has always handled his money apart from hers. I advised it would be a major change but it was time. Gloria needs support and encouragement to help George accept that it's time for her to take over the responsibility for all the finances.

The fact that George didn't know cash was missing was a red flag that Gloria missed. It is fortunate that greater losses did not occur before she figured it out. We don't yet know who might have gotten George's credit card numbers, bank account numbers, Social Security number, or other identifying information that would allow greater theft to happen. Someone already had one credit card number and tried to use it.

The takeaway from this true and sad story is that we all need to keep a close watch on a 90 year old with memory problems.

Caregivers might be thieves to start with, or they might be in situations when financial pressure mounts and the temptation to steal from a vulnerable client is just too much. No stranger coming into a private home with an elder should be completely trusted with money, valuables and private information. No matter how good the employer agency or the background check. Things happen and people can change when their financial situations worsen.

When we have an aging loved one who is doing pretty well, we might miss the red flags. We want to notice the good. We can overlook the dangerous parts of memory problems.

How about your family? Do you have any vulnerable elders among you? You can choose to be the one to be on the alert for your loved one's financial safety. If you're not sure and you have suspicions, contact us for a strategy sessioncontact us for a strategy session. We'll help you figure out if you need to do something about it.

Until next time,
Carolyn Rosenblatt and Mikol Davis

Carolyn is a registered nurse and an attorney. Carolyn and her husband, Dr. Mikol Davis, a psychologist, are the founders of AgingParents.com