The Moving Process

There is no denying that making a move into a retirement community—under the best of circumstances—is difficult and often traumatic. Most people will sell their home before moving in. That in itself can be a very difficult and trying proposition. What is the current state of the real estate market? Is the timing of the sale beneficial to the seller? Preparing the house for sale often requires "sprucing up," painting and taking care of long deferred repairs. There is tension associated with keeping a house ready for inspection every day by potential buyers.

Then come the final negotiations that can be maddening and extended. After the sale is completed the action of getting all your goods out of the house is a major project. No matter how hard you work at it, there always seems to be one more closet, drawer or cupboard to empty. All the while, you are trying to decide what to take with you to your new retirement home. Does this fit? Will I need that? Do my kids want any of my possessions? (Usually not). What will I do with these heirloom pieces of china or crystal? You may be moving from a large home with 3-4 bedrooms, a living room, dining room, family room, kitchen and garage to a unit with 800 square feet and one bedroom. You may conduct an estate or garage sale to help dispose of excess belongings. Getting ready for such sales is very hard work indeed. Finally, it is off in a borrowed truck to take the left over stuff to Goodwill or St. Vincent de Paul.

The final escrow closing day arrives and you leave your empty house for the last time and move to your new retirement home. Don't forget—you're probably doing this in your seventies or eighties. The last several months of home selling and preparation for the move have left you exhausted to the bone. And, as I said above, this scenario often represents the best of circumstances.

The next morning, you survey your new surroundings. There are boxes everywhere. You don't know how to operate the thermostat to control the heat or cooling. You have to organize things like getting a phone system in place, figure out how to gain entrance to all the buildings and rooms with your key systems, finding out when meals are served…and where. Where do I get my mail? Who do I call if I need help with something? How am I ever expected to remember the names of all the new people I am meeting?

In these circumstances, you would not be the first to feel a sense of panic, doom and utter discouragement. Hopefully, there will be some cheerful neighbors who will offer a hand, fill you in on all the "ins and outs" of the place and take you to dinner while introducing you to others who are also new. I don't want to sound like Pollyanna but you will get through this rough patch.

From observation, most new move-ins finally "come up for air" in about 60-90 days. Jokingly, we refer to the three phases of moving in: (1) physically getting all your stuff into the apartment; (2) finally getting all the boxes empty and things put away; (3) trying to remember what you brought with you and where you put it. No matter how tough things seem at the beginning, it does get better and you will begin to really enjoy your new home and surroundings. If you're like most, you will quickly conclude that moving to this retirement community was one of the best decisions you (or your kids) ever made. The people are generally very nice, the food is good, there are abundant activities ('way more than you can participate in), you feel secure and safe and you are in control of your own life.

I have referred to "parents," "Mom and Dad," and "we" almost exclusively. This transition to retirement community living is not just for couples. We have many singles living where we do who are enjoying healthy, vibrant and interesting lives. My focus is merely that my wife and I made this decision together and moved here with each other's help. Everything I am saying applies equally to singles.