Courtesy of JewishSacredAging.com

It is a curious fact of life that governments, universities, and other institutions often spend huge amounts of time and money studying things that seem, to many of us, common sense. For example, a recent New York Times article, “What Are Friends For? A Longer Life,” outlined a series of studies showing that friendships and relationships are keys to a healthier and longer life. The article begins by stating that “In the quest for better health, many people turn to doctors, self-help books or herbal supplements. But they overlook a powerful weapon that could help them fight illness and depression, speed recovery, slow aging and prolong life: their friends.”

The article went on to quote a series of studies that indicated how powerful social networks, friendships, and relationships are to us as we age. The article also noted that “Exactly why friendship has such a big effect isn’t entirely clear. While friends can run errands and pick up medicine for a sick person, the benefits go well beyond physical assistance; indeed, proximity does not seem to be a factor.”

One of, if not the basic need for each of us, is to be in relationship with another person. We need to be in community. We seek out affirmation and validation of our self, and we will gravitate to it, even if the path leads us to be with people who are not right for us. The need to be needed is that strong.

In recent years, an increasing number of studies have shown that people who attend religious services live longer and have a better attitude toward life, regardless of the stage of life they are in. Again, the conclusion from these studies is that being with people in relationship is supportive, affirming, and caring. This is a powerful message for us, who live in a society in which social networks are often “virtual,” communities are gated, and privacy is prized.

Especially as we age, we feel the need to be supported by community and embraced by relationships. This is a challenge to many of our religious institutions. We have entered a time when the ability to reach out to and engage with people has never been more important. No fear is greater than the fear of being alone!

James Hollis, in his 2005 book Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life, writes of the challenge to find our self in the context of others:

The gift of our own aging is that we have the freedom to continue to evolve our sense of “self” and thus to look forward to enhancing relationships we have and making new ones. Being with people helps define who we are in relationship with others and our own self. Think about those moments in your life that have been shared with people, whether friends or family, and how richer those experiences have been. Think also of how poorer those experiences were when there was no one to share them with. The power of relationships is life affirming.

Cherish your friends and hold them close. Be open to new experiences and new people: In that way, our lives can be enhanced and our experiences given greater texture.