Courtesy of Minding Our Elders

Dear Carol: I read your article on adult day care. You suggested that people call it something else, like "the club," because "day care" is thought of as something for children. I don't mean to offend anyone, but does what you call the care service really matter to someone with Alzheimer’s? - Brian

Dear Brian: The short answer is yes, it matters. There are many stages of Alzheimer’s. It could be that some people with later stages of Alzheimer’s wouldn't notice the subtleties of language. However, it matters just the same. Why? Because language is powerful and can influence the way we treat people.

For instance, I don't happen to like the often used terms "role reversal" and "parenting our parents." People will argue that they are making all the decisions for their parents and often giving very intimate physical care. Doesn't that mean they are reversing roles? I agree that when you think of it in those terms, it can feel like you have switched roles.

However, I feel strongly that when we habitually use those terms, we can find ourselves "acting as we speak." In other words, even though a caregiver may not mean to treat an elder in a way that lacks respect, using words that imply the elder is like a child can cause subtle differences in how we act toward the person.

That said, the whole word issue can be confusing, so I understand your question. Language evolves. Society changes. A once-acceptable term or word can suddenly be considered derogatory.

I've often used the word "facility" in this column to describe nursing homes and assisted living centers because it is succinct (and newspaper columns are measured by inches. Every word counts).

However, the Pioneer Network, a wonderful organization dedicated to creating an improved environment for our elders, is trying to get rid of that term. I had to think about it, but I've decided, for now, to use "living centers" instead. I understand that "facility" sounds industrial and cold and I agree that changing that term is good.

But now the term "resident" is being challenged. I don't personally have a problem with "resident."I am a resident at my home address. Maybe in the future, I'll be convinced there is a better word than resident for someone living in a care center. But most options I've heard sound bulky and artificial, so I'll stay with resident until I see something better.

My point again, Brian, is that the words we, as caregivers, use are perhaps more important to us than to the person we are speaking of. If we think of the person with Alzheimer’s respectfully, as an elder, we are more apt to consider him or her a unique individual who happens to have Alzheimer’s disease, and that can affect how we treat the person. So, if we think enough of them to call their "day care" something more age-appropriate, we may remember how important it is to preserve the person’s dignity in other ways. - Carol