Courtesy of Dr. Marion

By Dr. Marion Somers, Ph.D.

In many cultures and societies, it’s a tradition to move your elder into your home when they reach a certain age. I think it’s a good idea to keep your elder in a familiar, loving environment if he or she must be moved. Often, people feel that this is the socially appropriate and best economic solution. This can be a very difficult choice though, especially if your spouse doesn’t get along with your elder. However, you should consider it, as long as you understand the impact it will have on everyone concerned.

Factors to consider include:

• Are you able to adapt your living space?
• Can you build an addition or retrofit some square footage in your home?
• Is the floor plan of your home flexible?
• Will your home accommodate someone who has special needs?
• Will the home need to be adapted in some way?
• If you have children, Can they double up and give up one of their rooms?
• Will an aide be needed to care for them during the day or 24/7?
• What will the impact be on children who are living there?
• What could the impact be on your overall family dynamic?
• What could the impact be on your job or your spouse’s job, due to higher time commitments and financial draining?
• What will the impact be on the elder?

Be aware that having another person in your home, especially your mother or father, carries a lot of emotional history. Avoid potential misunderstandings by facilitating open, clear communication with your family and your elder. There may also be dietary issues to consider and medication that has to be monitored. This extra responsibility and change in your home and family structure can affect your family’s sense of peace.

There are also numerous financial questions. Does your elder have enough money to support himself or herself? More often than not, extra money from your pocket will be required to support your elder. Also, what services is your elder eligible for? This can help defray costs and provide much needed care. Before making any final decisions, make sure to have a thorough discussion with both your elder and your family, and ensure that everyone involved understands the time commitment, as well as any financial and legal ramifications.

A version of this blog appeared on Dr. Marion’s Web Site.