John is 82 and lives in Manhattan. Since the death of his brother, he
regularly checks on his 87-year-old sister-in-law who lives about 90
minutes away. She has dementia and needs help with daily needs. An aide
lives with her, but John is concerned the help is getting burned out.
The last time John visited he noticed his sister-in-law’s condition was
worsening, and he wonders what he can do to help.

John is a long-distance caregiver, one of an estimated 6.9 million
Americans who care for someone living at least an hour away, according
to a study by MetLife and AARP. Americans age 85 and older numbered 4.2
million in 2000, the fastest growing segment of the population
according to the National Institute on Aging. By mid-century, as baby
boomers transition from being the caregiver to needing care, that
segment is estimated to swell to 21 million.

“This is a national problem with local solutions,” says Nora Jean
Levin, executive director of Caring From a Distance (CFAD), a
non-profit organization for distance caregivers. CFAD’s Web site,
www.cfad.org, extends resources and advice to caregivers like John who
e-mail their questions and concerns or search the site’s many resources
and links. Help from CFAD is also available by telephone at (202)
895-9465. CFAD helped John consider other solutions such as assisted
living, finding adult day care facilities and calling a home care
agency to arrange to give the live-in help a break.

Levin understands that despite the obstacles of time and miles, distance caregivers are in a unique position to help.

“Long distance caregivers can offer perspective because they aren’t
on the scene every day to really observe small changes, and that
perspective is very valuable,” she says. “Sometimes if you’re in a care
situation day after day, you feel overwhelmed and hopeless and you
can’t see out of that box. But a person who comes in from the outside
can help pinpoint a problem and recommend ways to help improve the
situation.”

Levin offers these tips to buoy long-distance caregivers:

1. Offer help. Lend a hand solving problems that daily caregivers
   may not have time to think about. Shop for gadgets that help with daily
   needs, like telephones with large buttons or “grabber” devices that
   help seniors reach items they need. Make arrangements for a handicapped
   permit. If appropriate, help manage finances and pay bills.
2. Don’t be a “swooper.” It’s really hard when you’re the daily
   caregiver and the long distance caregiver swoops in and tries to change
   everything. Instead, plan time for listening to problems and perhaps
   for handling a few, and spend quality time with your loved one.
3. Make observations, but be careful how you share them. “Retain respect for the individual who needs care, and be mindful of preserving personal dignity when every step towards dependence may be viewed as loss of control,” Levin suggests.
4. Visit and look for changes that indicate a need for more care. Is your loved one eating regularly? Is personal hygiene slipping? Are prescriptions unfilled or forgotten? A helpful checklist, “Ten Warning
   Signs: Your Older Family Member May Need Help”.
5. Use the Internet to ease a transition. “Transitions can be rough
   or smooth, depending on the nature of the situation, whether it’s a
   crisis or something that’s been coming gradually, and the nature of the
   person being cared for,” Levin says. Transitions to senior housing are
   smoothest when approached proactively, before a crisis arises.

For example, long-distance caregivers can screen more than 60,000 housing options online by visiting www.snapforseniors.com.
The SNAPforSeniors online search tool is like the Multiple Listing
Service for senior housing. Long-distance caregivers can narrow the
search by geographic location, care needs, type of facility and
personal amenities.

A new tool from SNAPforSeniors and the Alzheimer’s Association, the
Caregiver Conversation Checklist, helps families discussing housing
options. The checklist, which can be found on alz.org, offers tips for
determining if long-term care is appropriate and explains how to broach
the conversation.

“The possibilities offered by the Internet to help long distance
caregivers are fabulous, and we’ve made our Web site a portal for
people looking for solutions,” Levin says. “SNAPforSeniors is a site
designed to help families deal with the housing part of the picture.
Long-distance caregivers can also get help from CFAD when investigating
other local personal and community-based resources like home care,
daily money managers, eldercare lawyers, or geriatric care managers to
coordinate activities or even where you can donate a wheelchair.”