For 11 years I pleaded with my elderly father to allow a caregiver to help him with my ailing mother, but after 55 years of loving each other he adamantly insisted on taking care of her himself. Every caregiver I hired to help him sighed in exasperation, "Jacqueline, I just can't work with your father—his temper is impossible to handle. I don't think he’ll accept help until he's on his knees himself."

My father had always been 90% great, but boy that temper was a doozy. He’d never turned it on me before, but then again I'd never gone against his wishes either. When my mother nearly died from an infection caused by his inability to continue to care for her, I flew from southern California to San Francisco to try to save her life—having no idea that in the process it would nearly cost me my own.

Early signs of dementia?

I spent three months nursing my 82-pound mother back to relative health, while my father said he loved me one minute, but then would get furious over some trivial thing, call me nasty names, and throw me out of the house the next. I was stunned to see him get so upset, even running the washing machine could cause a tizzy, and there was no way to reason with him. It was so heart wrenching to have my once-adoring father turn against me.

I immediately took my father to his doctor and was flabbergasted that he could act normal when he needed to! I could not believe it when the doctor looked at me as if I were the crazy one. She didn’t even take me seriously when I reported that my father nearly electrocuted my mother, but luckily I walked in three seconds before he plugged in a huge power strip that was soaking in a tub of water—along with my mother’s feet! Much later I was furious to find out my father had instructed his doctor (and everyone) not to listen to anything I said, because I was just a (bleep-bleep) liar and all I wanted was his money! (I wish he had some.)

Then things got serious. My father never laid a hand on me my whole life, but one day nearly choked me to death for adding HBO to his television, even though he had eagerly consented to it a few days before. Terrified, I dialed 911, and the police took him to the hospital for evaluation. I was so shocked when they released him right away, saying they couldn't find anything wrong with him. What is even more astonishing is that similar incidents occurred three more times.