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“Many will have a
bittersweet holiday season as they realize that their aging parents are no
longer the fit, independent pillars of strength of the family,” says Vicki
Rackner, MD, a surgeon who left the operating room to help caregivers and their
loved ones enjoy optimal health through her company www.MedicalBridges.com.

“It’s hard for adult children to recognize that their parents
require additional services and resources to live safely,” she says. You can
decrease the personal and economic costs of caregiving with proactive planning
rather than reactive responding.

Dr. Rackner suggests you begin the conversation this holiday
season like this: “Mom and Dad, it would be great if you lived forever, but the
discovery of the fountain of youth is nowhere on the horizon. What thoughts and
plans do you have about enjoying your golden years?”

Then create a plan. Talk with your parents
about their ideal plan if they are no longer able to care for themselves. Then
start to work toward that proactively. Investigate long-term care insurance.
Draw up the appropriate legal documents. Find out who would make medical choices
if they are not able to make them on their own, along with some guiding
principles for the choices.

Identify personal and community resources.
Make caregiving a family job to which each member contributes. Even
children can make grandma’s life special with drawings and phone calls. Identify
services that make your job as a caregiver easier. If you and your parents live
in the same community, check with friends and neighbors and local organizations
to learn about helpful services and resources.

Take care of yourself. You will give the best
as a caregiver when you’re at your best. Get good nutrition, enough sleep and
regular exercise. Manage your stress and do a little something every day to
nurture your soul. Understand that you are at increased risk for anxiety,
depression and weakening your immune system. Talk to your doctor if you see
worrisome signs such as problems sleeping, changes in appetite or loss of
interest in activities you enjoy.

This discussion could be the best holiday gift you offer your
parents and your extended family and yourself.

The caregiving reality: Over 30 million Baby
Boomers provide countless hours of assistance to elderly parents at no charge.
It is estimated that, using average hourly wages, the total amount of this
uncompensated care is comparable to the entire Medicare budget. A recent study
suggests that actual out-of-pocket expenses amount to over $5,000 per year. For
caregivers who have left, or are considering leaving the workforce, to care for
an ailing parent, the costs are even greater—over $650,000 in forfeited
salaries, benefits and pensions.