Courtesy of Minding Our Elders

by Carol Bradley Bursack

Dear Carol: My mom is 64 years old and had a stroke three years ago. She lives alone, and I feel she cannot take care of herself. She has been an alcoholic for many years and it is putting her health at high risk, as well as her safety. Mom recently fell and lay on the floor until I found her two days later. After finding her, I called 911, but she refused any medical attention. She is very stubborn, depressed and she never leaves her home. Can I put my mother into a nursing home without her consent? - Daniel

Dear Daniel: If living conditions are unsafe, a social service welfare check may help get her some help. However, as sad as this is for you, if social services can't help, you may just have to live with her situation until it gets worse.

Alcohol is a depressant. She’s isolating and she’s had a stroke. You are worried for good reason. You can check on her and help her as much as possible, but you can't force her to stop drinking, and that seems to be the root of her issues. If you've never tried to leave Alcoholics Anonymous literature around for her, you could try that, but don't expect her to thank you, and please don't preach. It will backfire.

One thing you can do is help yourself learn how to cope. Look in the newspaper or online for Al-Anon or Families Anonymous meetings near you. These meetings are made up of people like you whose lives are affected by the behavior of alcoholics whom they love.

Please remember that alcoholism is a disease. Your mom isn't too old to go to AA and find a sober, healthy lifestyle. But, she needs to want help, and no one can do that for her. Some people need to suffer a lot before they are ready for help. That may mean you'll see more falls and potential injuries, little nutrition and mood swings.

Connecting with Al-Anon people might lead you to folks who can get through to your mom, but in the end it’s up to her.

Please try to take care of yourself. Remember that your mom is very sick, even though her illness frustrates and worries you. You need support to make the most of your own life and to get rid of any guilt you feel over not being able to help your mother more than you have.

Do your best for her by taking care of yourself and becoming educated in ways to cope with her illness. - Carol

Original article by Carol Bradley Bursack published August 14, 2011 on Minding Our Elders