If you live many miles from your aging parents, it’s hard to accurately monitor their health. They may not want to tell you how they’re feeling, or they may simply forget something relevant that happened. They may not admit to needing help around the house, or they may not realize that they even need help. On your next trip to see them, the Mayo Clinic suggests looking for these five signs to help you gauge if your aging parents could use some help:

1. Have they lost weight? Losing weight without trying is a sign that something’s wrong. Weight loss could indicate a significant health problem, such as cancer, dementia, depression, heart failure, or malnutrition. The problem may not be related to health, however. Your parent could be having difficulty finding the energy to cook, grasping the tools necessary to cook, or reading labels or directions on food products. Age-related changes could also mean that nothing tastes as good as it used to.
2. Are your parents safe in their home? Take a look around their house and be alert for signs it’s not being maintained. Are the lights working? Is the heat on? Is the yard becoming overgrown? Are dirty dishes in the sink? Look for safety issues. Are your parents having difficulty navigating the stairs? Have they mentioned any recent falls or injuries? Note any changes in their hearing and vision. Difficulty reading directions on prescription medications or hearing a doctor’s advice could pose safety threats. *Look for other clues to problems. Scorched pots could mean a parent with dementia is forgetting what’s on the stove. Neglected housework could mean depression is robbing him or her of the motivation to take care of the home. Unreplaced light bulbs could indicate that physical impairments make it impossible to keep up with house maintenance.
3. Are your parents taking care of themselves? Pay attention to their appearance. Are they keeping up with their usual personal hygiene? Are their clothes clean? Failure to keep up with daily routines, such as bathing, tooth brushing, and other basic grooming, could indicate health problems. Dementia, depression, or physical impairments could be to blame; these are among the most common reasons why older people move to an assisted living center.
4. How are your parents’ spirits? Everyone has good and bad days, but a drastically different mood or outlook could be a sign of depression or other health concern. Ask your parents how they’re feeling. Do they seem withdrawn or blue? Are they still connecting with friends? Have they lost interest in hobbies and other daily activities? Are they involved in social organizations or clubs? If they’re religious, do they attend regular services?
5. Are your parents having difficulty getting around? If they have any health conditions that make it hard to get around, they may have difficulty caring for themselves. For instance, they may experience muscle weakness, joint problems, and other age-related changes that make it difficult to move around. Pay attention to how they’re walking. Are they reluctant or unable to walk usual distances? Is knee or hip arthritis making it hard to get around the house? Are your parents unsteady on their feet? Do they need a cane or walker? Falls can cause major injuries and even death in older adults.

What to do if you have concerns

Talk with your parents if you have concerns about their health and safety. Let them know that you care about them and that you’re worried. Knowing that you’re concerned about their health may be all the motivation they need to see their doctor. Consider including other people who care about your parents—relatives, close friends, clergy—in the conversation.

If your parents aren’t willing to listen to your concerns, or if they dismiss your claims, call your parents’ doctor for guidance. Your concerns may help the doctor understand what to look for in your parents on their next visit. The doctor won’t discuss private information with you, unless your parents have given the doctor permission to discuss their care with you.

In the United States, patient privacy is governed by rules often referred to as HIPAA (the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act). HIPAA does not prevent a doctor, nurse, or health plan employee from discussing your parent’s care with you if it’s in the best interest of your parent, the Mayo Clinic says . For example, if discussing their care would help a doctor take care of your parent, that’s considered in your parent’s best interest. You may have to fill out a form stating that you can discuss your parents’ medical information with their doctor or doctor’s staff.

You can also seek help from local agencies. The county in which your parents live may have social workers who can evaluate their needs and put them in touch with pertinent services, such as home care workers and help with meals and transportation. Your local agency on aging—which you can find by using the Eldercare Locator on the Department of Health and Human Services Web site—can connect you with services in your parents’ area.