By Alex Chamberlain and Shannon Martin

As your parents grow older, you may begin to notice behavioral changes that could be easily dismissed by an outsider. As a family member, however, you must recognize these “red flags,” because they suggest that your loved ones may need help with everyday activities and household chores.

A change in behavior can serve as a warning sign that your parents are not thinking in the same manner as they once did or are not as physically capable of completing simple tasks as they once were. The following are examples of the changes you may observe:

• Your parent, who is usually a meticulous housekeeper, has dirty dishes piled in the sink.
• Your father, who has always done home repairs himself, either hires someone for a minor fix or disregards a needed repair altogether.
• Your mother, who you never knew to be without makeup even at 7 a.m., shows up for lunch with none on. In some instances, she looks a little disheveled.
• Telltale signs of a decline in mental agility include missed appointments, unfilled prescriptions, and changed eating habits, such as missed meals or loss of appetite.
• Relationship patterns may change to the point that friends and neighbors express concerns, or perhaps your loved one has occasionally exhibited inappropriate behavior by being unusually loud or quiet, paranoid, or easily agitated.
• Your parent has decreased or stopped participating in activities that were previously important, e.g., playing bridge, going to book club meetings, dining with friends, attending religious services.

By noticing these changes early on, you will be able to take a proactive approach in getting your parents the assistance needed to continue living at home as independently as possible while maintaining a high quality of life. However, deciding whether your parents can continue to live on their own can prove to be difficult, especially when factoring in your relationship with them, history, emotional issues, family roles, and generational differences.

If you are unsure whether the changes in behavioral patterns you’ve witnessed are signs your parents need help, consider hiring an eldercare professional, such as a geriatric care manager, to conduct an evaluation. As a family member, sometimes you are too close to the situation to have an objective point of view. Furthermore, there is a delicate balance to maintain between supporting your parents’ independence and ensuring their safety and well-being. A professional can provide that objective voice of reason you need to make such decisions.

Another possible approach to assessing the help required by your loved one is to hire temporary assistance. If your elderly parent is having surgery or was recently discharged from the hospital, this is a great opportunity to try out a home health care service, since he or she will be more inclined to accept short-term help while in recovery. Even if you plan to stay with Mom or Dad during recovery, the extra help can prove useful to you both.

Sometimes it is hard to anticipate everything that may be needed in the immediate period after surgery or hospitalization. For example, a client of EasyLiving, Inc., had planned to be with her husband after surgery and thought that she could handle the care; however, she soon realized that because of his condition, she could not leave him alone to go pick up his prescriptions. She found herself struggling to keep up with his care.

If you feel that your loved one may need at-home care, or if you want a professional evaluation or to try out a home health care provider on a short-term basis, check out resources in your local area. A little bit of help can go a long way.