Here's the Thing

My mother fell and broke her other hip last week. The event came as a surprise—not that such events are ever expected. Usually, all plans come to a screeching halt when a family member is rushed to the hospital and has surgery the next day. Read More >>

"Enough Already!"

My friend and co-worker Barbara Green, MSW, gave me an article titled “Genug Syndrome,” which recounts the story of an old woman diagnosed with dementia. Genug is a Yiddish word that roughly translates to “enough already!” Published in the June 11, 2008, edition of the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), the article was about the end of the woman’s life—the very end—moments before her final exit. Read More >>

The Teeth Were in the Ice Cream

I have been in the aging business for decades and have interacted with hundreds of people living with dementia, but I was stopped in my tracks when my mother began talking about dead relatives as if they were still alive and seeing things that were not there. One day I knew my mother as an intelligent, caring, take-charge person, and the next day that person had disappeared and been replaced by a profoundly confused person. I realized later that the change was probably happening all along; I just didn’t recognize it because we lived 1,600 miles apart. Read More >>

I Can’t Make Everything Okay

I am 57 years old and have sons aged 20 and 15. When I was pregnant, I read a few books about my pending new parent status, and a friend gave me a copy of A Good Enough Parent by Bruno Bettelheim, an Austrian psychologist famous for working with autistic kids. I'm pretty sure I actually read the whole book, but the title and the premise certainly stuck with me. Bruno said good parenting is knowing who you are, understanding your own childhood, and doing your best to be a good parent. He said that was sufficient. Read More >>