A Good Enough Daughter
As a professional in the field of aging, Sara had seen it all—until her own mother broke her hip at the age of 88 and became profoundly confused, unable to live in her own home. Join Sara on her journey through the strangeness that is dementia while trying to make sense of it all and finding humor in the details. [Editor's note: Sara no longer contributes to Silver Planet, but we have made her archived blog entries available as a service to our readers.]
The Importance of a Glass of Wine Before Visiting Mom
I really love my mother. I really have no problem at all visiting with her and taking her to places she needs to go. We have been close all my life, and that has not changed. But, sometimes, the dementia thing becomes way more than I want to deal with.
For example, this past Sunday, staff from Gaffney House—the assisted living facility where my mom lives—called so that she could talk with me. She sometimes “sunsets” or “gets agitated” or whatever the professionals call it. When that happens, contact with me seems to settle her down. I’m not sure why, but it works. The staff tell me she is much calmer after she and I speak. It doesn’t take much work on my part—just a little talking and reassurance.
It takes little physical effort to talk with her when she is in “that state,” but I find the entire experience exhausting, emotionally exhausting. Unfortunately, the times between episodes are becoming more and more narrow. When I visit now, I’m not really sure whom I will meet.
So I’ve decided I need to be prepared to visit with Mom no matter her incarnation. To that end, I’ve discovered that a nice big glass of wine beforehand is a good idea—not too much to be illegal to drive, just enough to take the edge off.
The last thing I want is for the rest of my time with her to be stressful. She just had her 90th birthday last Saturday. I don’t know how long she has to live, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to be strung up at the end.
Here’s to you, Mom.
By Sara Myers
The Good Enough Daughter Blog
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