A Good Enough Daughter
As a professional in the field of aging, Sara had seen it all—until her own mother broke her hip at the age of 88 and became profoundly confused, unable to live in her own home. Join Sara on her journey through the strangeness that is dementia while trying to make sense of it all and finding humor in the details. [Editor's note: Sara no longer contributes to Silver Planet, but we have made her archived blog entries available as a service to our readers.]
I Want Mom's Hair to Look Good
For about two months, I have been complaining to Jennifer (the administrator at my mother’s assisted living facility) about Mom's hair. It’s long and straggly and looks like a comb’s passed through it about once a day. It’s clean, mind you, but it’s ugly. I know, I know—I should be satisfied that my mom is getting the best possible care. Correction: the world’s best care. Everyone who needs assisted living should be lucky enough to live at Gaffney House, operated by ElderHealth Northwest. But that hair . . .
Finally, after my fifth comment to Jennifer, she asked me if the issue was my mother’s or mine. I thought about that for a few days. Does my mother really care much about how her hair looks? Her vision is poor because of cataracts in one eye (that she doesn’t want removed), so I’m not sure how well she sees herself in the mirror. She has never been a particularly vain person. She had her hair done occasionally, but it was never a big deal. Would she care that her hair was not “done”?
Here’s what I’ve decided: It is my issue for sure, but the fact that it’s important to me is enough. Mom and I are traveling this journey together. We’re a team. She’s doing her best and so am I. Her care needs and situation have to work for both of us—which is why she could not live in that nursing home on Bainbridge Island, where she really liked the people. I just could not stand visiting her there on any kind of regular basis.
So, do I need my mother’s hair to be cut and curled? Yes, I do. Now, what am I going to do about it? First, I’m going to get back to Jennifer and tell her that the question was a good one. Second, I’ll let her know that it’s my issue and that makes it important. Then, I’m going to help Jennifer find a beautician who will come to Gaffney House every eight weeks or so to do the ladies’ hair—and maybe a few of the gents’ as well. I’m not sure where to look, but someone in Seattle must be willing to doll up a few old ladies on an occasional basis.
Any suggestions?
By Sara Myers
The Good Enough Daughter Blog
Our Silver Advisors™ are professional geriatric care managers and other experts who provide phone consultations on preventing falls, navigating Medicare, evaluating senior driving challenges, and other issues baby boomers must resolve while caring for an aging loved one. Silver Advisors clarify concerns, suggest a plan of action, help prioritize next steps, and furnish personalized written plans and recommendations. All callers receive a complimentary 15-minute consultation.
What We Do
Silver Planet® helps baby boomers guide their parents to age in place by providing services and products related to aging at home and housing options.
