Dementia and Passover Make Strange Bedfellows

Last holiday with Mom?

I had fully intended to talk to my mother about Passover before the holiday, to see what she wanted to do. But the time to talk came and went, and that conversation never occurred. So I decided to cook up a few “Jewfood” favorites and take them over to Gaffney House (Mom’s assisted living facility), so we could have a Passover, of sorts, together.

Instead of going for traditional Passover delectables, I brought things that Mom and I used to enjoy together. I made a delicious noodle kugle. I bought a jar of gefilte fish, a jar of kosher pickles, a box of matzos, and a container of macaroons.

Doug, the cook at Gaffney House, took my bag of groceries and prepared two plates that included all of the things I brought. Reva and I sat together in a small dining room. Unfortunately, Rev is the only Jewish person living at Gaffney.

Rev seemed very sleepy and could not stay awake. She was nonverbal. I had seen her about a week prior and she was quiet, but she did talk some. Now she was completely nonverbal and needed assistance with eating. She could barely keep the fork up. I was startled. She seemed to have declined a great deal in such a short time.

Eventually Reva enlivened and started to eat on her own. She seemed to enjoy the kugle the best. I didn’t know if she recognized the other foods, except for the dill pickles. She used to love dill pickles; but when she bit into one, she threw her head back, winced, and made an awful face. I guess dill pickles are now off the list.

I’m glad I brought food over. I enjoyed sitting with Mom for Passover, probably our last. It was hard for me to see the physical and cognitive decline, but I chose to believe that she was pleased we spent the holiday together.

Sara Myers
A Good Enough Daughter Blog