A Good Enough Daughter
As a professional in the field of aging, Sara had seen it all—until her own mother broke her hip at the age of 88 and became profoundly confused, unable to live in her own home. Join Sara on her journey through the strangeness that is dementia while trying to make sense of it all and finding humor in the details. [Editor's note: Sara no longer contributes to Silver Planet, but we have made her archived blog entries available as a service to our readers.]
Caregiving Plans
One person’s good idea is another’s disaster in waiting
My friend Irene is now in charge of managing care for her mother-in-law. Other family members are in the area, including a son, but the job has gone to Irene. In her typically intelligent fashion, Irene did the research, called the experts, and asked a lot of questions. She gained a good understanding of the process and is prepared for the task. That said, I think she has set up a caregiving situation that, from my perspective, is fraught with problems.
A month or so ago, my friend Pauline called to ask if I would talk to her friend (we’ll call her Sue) about care options for Sue’s father, recently moved from Texas. I called Sue, and we chatted about her father’s situation. He recently broke a hip and lives with dementia, so he would probably be a good candidate for assisted living. I suggested Gaffney House, where my mother lives. It’s a small, dementia-specific assisted living facility situated in a convenient neighborhood. The home can convert to Medicaid if a resident outlives his or her money; and, most importantly, they seem to do an extraordinary job caring for the residents.
Sue visited Gaffney House—and hated it! She smelled urine. She did not like the old kitchen. She did not like the small TV in the corner. Sue said that they should have a large-screen TV so that everyone could watch (I have to agree with her on that one). She visited briefly and left quickly. Clearly, Gaffney House was not going to be on her list of possibilities.
My point? Successful caregiving situations are as unique as the people involved. It’s impossible to accurately predict success. One person’s “just right” is another’s “absolutely not!” What has worked for me, and for my family, may very well not work for another family. The path to the truth is different for everyone.
By Sara Myers
A Good Enough Daughter Blog
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