Julie Hall

The Estate Lady

Julie Hall is an expert in dealing with personal property from the Depression era. Estate dissolution and helping grieving families make appropriate decisions during the estate settlement process are her specialties. She is a certified personal property appraiser, an estate sales professional, a residential content removal specialist, and a broker of fine items. As owner of The Estate Lady®, LLC, she brings 18 years of experience to families facing the overwhelming task of dissolving the family home.


Posted 06/24/2010

Estate Etiquette Solutions

Try everything you can to keep the peace

By Julie Hall

As promised last week, here’s how you can contribute to a more peaceful resolution when dividing heirlooms in your parents’ estate.

  1. Sit down and say what’s on your mind. Beating around the bush confuses everyone. Confrontation is not necessarily a bad thing. My father always said that the day after a thunderstorm is usually clean, bright, and beautiful. It clears the air and so does a confrontation that is more about sharing than finger pointing. Some heirs can’t handle this confrontation, and I would definitely recommend some kind of mediation, if they want to save the relationship. The down side is that if they don’t fix this early on, the relationship is normally irreparable, as the damage is done. Then, both parties live out their lives with anger in their hearts.

  2. It’s vital to do everything you can to keep the peace. Regardless of what part you play in this, it will have an impact on you too, most especially a negative impact. Even indirectly connected, it will touch you in some negative way. To avoid this, do your best to take the “high road.” It feels good to do so, though it’s not always easy.
  3. Validate the other person’s feelings if he (or she) shares them with you. At least listen. Repeat what he said to you so he feels you heard them. Both should agree to simply do the best you can to smooth it over somehow. A photo of Mom and Dad sitting in front of you wouldn’t hurt. After all, this is about honoring them and not about the heirs.
  4. Encourage others to be a part of the healing process, if they would like to be. It is not about taking sides. It is about encouraging both parties to do what they can to heal the hurt. Always remain objective, and try very hard to see the other side. Seeing both sides, or at least putting yourself in the other’s shoes, might very well lend some insight into the situation. The problem is that we are generally too self-centered to do this. Promise me you’ll try!

Dividing heirlooms can be one of the most contentious experiences of our adult lives. There is no way to completely eliminate family squabbles, but you can learn to put them out when they are smoldering, instead of when they grow into a full-blown forest fire.

By Julie Hall
The Estate Lady Blog

[First posted June 21, 2010, at Julie Hall's Estate Lady Web site.]

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