Take the Initiative to Connect with Old Friends, Colleagues

Dear Ellie:

Tonight I went to a celebration at a local college with which I have been affiliated for
almost 40 years. I saw people that I had not seen for many years. I want to share with you
and other Silver Planet readers and bloggers how wonderful it was to visit with these old friends and colleagues and to share our common history. We greeted each other with warm hugs and smiles, and had lovely conversations about our memories of the past and also about our current lives. A number of people expressed an interest in getting together. I plan to email or call a few of them and arrange to have lunch together.

I wonder why we neglect our past friendships and colleagueships when our mutual experiences and commitments give us so much pleasure. Do you have any ideas about that? Carolyn

Dear Carolyn:

I am so glad that you had such a rewarding and pleasant evening. You are very fortunate to have the opportunity to share long-term memories with people that you like, as well as to celebrate your pride in the work that you have done together. Most of us very much enjoy reconnecting with old friends and workplace comrades.

Why don’t we do more of this kind of socializing when it is so pleasant? I guess it’s just another manifestation of our neglect of things in the past as we are pulled to pay attention to the current activities and people in our lives.

There’s a fair amount of research that tells us that the people who live the longest and are the happiest do maintain their interpersonal connections over a relatively long period of time. And our own common sense and experience tell us that our days and lives are enriched by the presence of others with whom we share values and experiences.

I’ll tell you two things that I have been doing over the past few years. First, I’ve contacted a number of women I have known for a long time but had not spent much time with when I was working full-time. I’ve sent them each an email or called them and invited them to have lunch. And I’ve never been turned down—they were all delighted with my invitation. Sometimes we have gone to a plain neighborhood restaurant; other times, we have splurged and gone to a fancier place where we might have a glass of wine. In essence, I created little one-to-one mini-reunions with dozens of friends I had not seen for a long time.

The second thing I have done is to organize a series of quarterly luncheons, which we hold at a convenient restaurant. I arrange for a speaker at each luncheon. I have focused on local women authors who have written books that are of interest to other women. But you could choose any type of speaker.

I have constructed an online distribution list so that the invitation process is very easy. I just select and call a local restaurant and arrange for a menu that is under $20, including tax and tip. Everyone pays their bill at the restaurant when they arrive, so I do not have to collect any money. We’ve had between 35 and 40 women at each luncheon, but even a dozen women would be worthwhile.

Before our lunch begins, we introduce ourselves and either say a word about what we are currently doing or answer a relevant question that I have posed. Then we eat lunch and visit with those at our table. When dessert is served, our guest speaker makes a presentation and answers questions. At the end, we have an opportunity to purchase a book if we want to and have it signed by the author. These luncheons have been very successful and have given women a chance to meet new people and see old friends as well.

Whether you prefer a one-on-one luncheon or a group activity, the important thing is to begin to think of yourself as the initiator. Don’t wait until someone calls you or invites you to an event. Create one yourself! You’ll be surprised at how your spirit will be lifted when you take control of reconnecting with friends and colleagues whom you have not seen in a while. Ellie

By Elinor Miller Greenberg, EdD

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