To Stay or to Move? That Is the Question.

Dear Ellie:

My husband and I have been thinking about our home. We are both in our early 60s and preparing to retire in a few years. We look at the ads in the newspaper for retirement communities, and they look very attractive. Some of our friends have sold their homes, bought condos, and downsized into these communities. We love our spacious home, our neighborhood, and our many possessions. The mortgage on our house is paid off, and it does not cost very much for upkeep. Should we be planning to move into a smaller space? Or should we stay in our own home? Anne

Dear Anne:

There is a lot of pressure on retirees to sell their longtime homes and move into a smaller space, either in a retirement community, apartment complex, or town home. Friends or family members may push them to do that when their children have grown up and left. Sometimes these “empty nesters” are ready to sell and give away some of their furniture and lifetime possessions. Sometimes they are tired of the outside chores—caring for a lawn, planting flowers, watering, and repairing. But sometimes they are not. Each couple, or individual, must decide these things for themselves. The situation is not the same for everyone.

You might want to do a little analysis of the pros and cons of staying in your own home versus moving to another space. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of it. On one side, at the top, write a column heading “STAY,” and on the other side write “MOVE.” Then along the left side of the paper write the name of an important category, such as “COSTS.” Leave maybe 10 lines, and then put the name of the next important category, such as “LOCATION OF FRIENDS” and “LOCATION OF FAMILY.” Keep building this “matrix” until you cannot think of any more categories. Make a copy for your husband and ask him to add categories of importance to him. Have lots of extra paper handy for categories you both will think of after you get started. Don’t forget to put a space at the top for the date and your name.

If you like numbers and rating scales, you could make a third narrow column called “POINTS.” Then you would have to agree on the rating system. For example, a three-point rating system is easy: 1 = not important; 2 = moderately important; 3 = very important. You can rate each item that you put under each category. At the end, you will have a score that shows how important each item is to each of you. It will also show you where you agree and where you disagree. If the idea of doing a rating scale is not attractive to you, just skip that step.

When an issue has as many dimensions as the decision to stay or move, it is useful to commit those items to paper. And remember, you can change your answers any time you wish. But the exercise will give you a head start on how to organize your thoughts. That way, you can make a more objective decision.

You may want to leave your first analysis in a drawer for a while and come back to it after a few weeks or months. You could do another one then, or just change your answers. You might change your mind about some items. Or circumstances might change, and you’ll want to re-evaluate your answers.

Of course, this kind of an approach to problem solving will not appeal to some people. They’d rather just look at models of retirement communities, chat a little, talk to their friends and families, and make a decision. Some say that they have “gut feelings” about such things.

What’s your preferred process, Anne? You have to decide that for yourself.
Please let us know what you decide to do, and what process you used to make your decision. Lots of people are in the same boat. Perhaps your process and reasoning can help others to make their decision. Good luck! Ellie

By Elinor Miller Greenberg, EdD

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