Should Grandma Help Finance Cell Phones for the Grandkids?

Emerging issues related to cell phones

Dear Ellie:

My grandkids are at the stage of wanting cell phones. They are ages 12, 10, and 8. It seems that, nowadays, even kids in elementary school do not use the telephone to talk to each other, but they text each other all day long. In some schools, there are inadequate rules and controls over their texting in class.

My daughter and son-in-law are asking me to help support the cost of cell phones with texting capability for their kids. They claim that they want to be able to call or text the three kids to find out where they are, when they are coming home, and if they are safe. I am worried that giving the kids these devices will just add another diversion and cost to their upkeep. What should I do? Grandma Martha

Dear Grandma Martha:

I hear that many parents and grandparents are confronting this issue of cell phones. Here are some of their questions:

• What is the right age to buy a child a cell phone?
• Which cell phone is the right one to buy?
• What is texting?
• How much does a cell phone with texting capability cost?
• How are these devices changing our ways of communicating?
• Will a child be a better or worse communicator if he has a cell phone?

I surely do not have definitive answers for all the issues involved with cell phones, but I have some guidelines. First, start with the oldest grandchild. You and one parent should take her or him to the store to look over the cell phones that are available and discuss their various features and costs.

Second, if there is a decision to buy a cell phone, develop a purchase that is a partnership with the grandchild. Require that child to pay for a percentage of the phone. This buy-in is important for establishing responsibility as well as a real awareness of the costs of the device.

Third, together choose a service plan that is modest, and make a deal with your grandchild for him or her to pay a portion of the monthly bill with money that has been earned. There was a news report recently that a 13-year-old girl in Cheyenne, Wyoming, ran up a monthly bill of almost $5,000. That was generated by more than 300 text messages within an eight-hour period every day for a whole month! That’s absurd. But it also showed that the teenager had no idea of the cost of what she was doing. She says that she has learned her lesson, but the lesson would have been learned from the outset if she had any idea what her new habit was costing not only her parents but her.

Fourth, set some ground rules for when and how the various features of the cell phone can be used: phone calls, texting, taking pictures, etc. This handheld portable device has already replaced computers, in some ways. But there are consequences.

When texting, words are often not spelled correctly; they are spelled phonetically, such as “u” instead of “you.” When texting, kids are talking to each other less and may be diminishing their personal relationships, as they silently communicate through typing messages. And when they are doing such a high volume of talking or texting on the cell phone, they are not doing other things, like homework, visiting, shopping, reading books, studying, gardening, sports, and all the activities that normally fill our kids’ days.

As a result of the high volume of texting done by the Wyoming teen, her grades fell and her parents became quite enraged. She was grounded for a month, and her father took a hammer to her cell phone!  

These are just some of the issues that are emerging related to cell phones. I suggest that you, your daughter, and son-in-law discuss these issues with all three children present and make a careful, short-term decision. On the day the cell phone is purchased, set a date for a few weeks ahead to re-evaluate the situation, and be sure that all of you keep a record of the issues and costs. One column could be for the child, another for the father, another for the mother, and even one for you. Each person can enter any issue that arises that is attributed to the cell phone.

Keep the record until the first bill arrives, and enter the cost of the first month. That will give everyone the same picture of the cell phone’s impact. Rules can be made based on the actual record. Then decide if you want to be involved financially, or if the parents and their child should be the responsible parties.

In a conversation recently, I heard a wise parent say, “Just like TV and radio, cell phones … are just new advances in technology. They don’t really change the need for people to learn to listen well, write well, and think. We are just seeing what has always been the case: few people are really good listeners, writers, and thinkers.”

Remember, when the first child begins to drive, a whole new set of cell phone issues will arise! Ellie

By Elinor Miller Greenberg, EdD
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