Whose Wake Is It, Anyway?

Dear Blabby and Crabby:

I live on a lake. I’m really upset with one boater in particular. All of our lakes are ”no wake” lakes. This clown insists on going full throttle whenever he’s on the water. I’ve reported the problem to the Lake Committee, but so far they’ve been unable to catch him. I’m ready to shoot holes in his boat. My wife says I’ve blown this whole thing out of proportion. Have I gotten too emotional over this issue? Signed: Calm Carl

Crabby: Carl needs to take some time off and get a life. Let’s suggest that he grab a surfboard and head for Hawaii. Then he’ll appreciate the value of a few waves.

Blabby: Now let’s not forget that rules are rules and the guy making waves is violating at least one. I don’t think Carl is that far out of line. After all, everyone is responsible for their own wake.

Crabby: I’ve already set money aside for my final expenses when I die, and I’ve made all of the necessary arrangements in advance.

Blabby: You’ve never boated much, have you?

Crabby: Not really. How did you know?

Blabby: Most boaters want to be buried at sea, in a “no wake” area.

Crabby: I didn’t know that.

Blabby: That figures. You know, Carl’s got a legitimate beef with this high-speed boater. Maybe Carl could take a photograph of this guy in the act and turn it over to the Lake Committee for corrective action.

Crabby: I like the idea of shooting holes in his boat a lot better. That would get Carl a life or maybe just five to ten if the judge has a sense of humor.

Blabby: You don’t think this letter is worth answering do you?

Crabby: No, I don’t. I like waves a lot better than wakes.

Blabby: The Coast Guard could use someone like you.