To Pee or Not to Pee, That Is the Question

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer . . .

Dear Blabby and Crabby:

I have a urinary tract problem that, to say the least, proved to be embarrassing last week. I took my wife to the mall for some afternoon shopping. I had to go to the restroom, but before I could do my business, I had a slight accident. Upon leaving the men’s room, I was so embarrassed that I went straight to the car and drove home, leaving my wife in the store. It was only after she called, quite mad, two hours later that I remembered I had left her. Am I entering the first stage of senility? Signed: Frequent Fred

Blabby: Well, Crabby, I think our friend Fred has some serious issues here. For one, his wife must be worried that he’s losing it. He may be going senile.

Crabby: Are you nuts? Fred has just passed through the first stage of brilliance!

Blabby: What are you talking about?

Crabby: Think about it. It took two hours for his wife to even notice he was gone. Like most men at the mall, he’s nothing more than a chauffeur for these two-legged credit-card carriers. It’s a terrible cross to bear, and it’s BORING!

Blabby: Now don’t lose sight of his problem. The wife is upset, so he needs to fix that problem first. I think he should take the high road: buy her flowers and apologize for his actions. What do you think he should do?

Crabby: You’re right. He should buy her flowers and apologize. However, he should capitalize on this experience and leave her again the next time she goes shopping.

Blabby: What?

Crabby: That’s right. The old girl will never again ask him to drive her to the mall. Bingo! He’s out of the boring afternoon shopping trips to nowhere. He can spend his time on the golf course or sipping a brewsky at home.

Blabby: You’re a sick man!

Crabby: That I am, but at least I don’t do shopping trips to the mall.

Blabby: So what do we tell Frequent Fred?

Crabby: Buy her flowers, apologize, dump her at the mall again, and stop drinking so much iced tea for lunch.