Martha to the Rescue

Dear Blabby and Crabby:

I’m concerned about my wife’s social behavior lately. She records what she serves each of our guests whenever we have anyone over for a meal. She also lists what they drink. In addition, she has started placing tags on each item in her wardrobe with the names of the people she sees whenever she’s in public so she won’t risk wearing the same outfit again when we go out. She spends hours on the computer organizing this data. In addition, she’s started purchasing new outfits for almost every occasion, since our circle of friends is small. She doesn’t want to violate social dress code. She frets over what to serve at our dinner parties. Her behavior is costing me money, but I’m mostly concerned she’s losing her mind. Can you help me with this problem? Signed: SOS (Save Our Sarah)

Blabby: This sounds as if it’s a real serious SOS. How can we help Sarah’s husband help Sarah?

Crabby: If she’s good on the computer, we could hire her and give her a clothing allowance.

Blabby: And we could write it off on our taxes as a cost of uniforms.

Crabby: Good idea!

Blabby: Get serious! Sarah’s behavior suggests she may be suffering from social anxiety disorder. It’s often accompanied with, or results from, low self-esteem.

Crabby: We could hire her to coordinate all our activities and gain her confidence back. We’ll give her the title of “social operations officer.” She could keep track of the clothing we wear to meetings.

Blabby: I don’t think we need to hire someone to keep track of your one suit. This woman has a problem, and I don’t think hiring her is the answer. She needs some structured guidance. She’s obviously lost her confidence and thinks this detailed record manipulation will keep her from committing a faux pas.

Crabby: We could suggest that Sarah contact Martha Stewart, who could guide her through the many social rules and requirements. Wouldn’t that provide the structure Sarah needs?

Blabby: Certainly, but what’s in this for Martha Stewart?

Crabby: Sarah could help Martha introduce her new “Fall Fashions for Felons” line.

Blabby: Her what?

Crabby: All of the new clothing will have “pen” stripes.

Blabby: I’m going to nominate you for the Psychiatric Association’s Comedian and Fruitcake of the Year Award.

By Don Griffin
The Blabby and Crabby Blog