Going to the Dogs

Dear Blabby and Crabby:

My husband decided about a year ago to buy a small dog. He purchased a female toy poodle and paid $400, which I felt at the time was outrageous. The dog goes with him everywhere and even sits on his lap when he drives, which I think is a dumb thing to do—it’s potentially dangerous. The dog even sleeps in our bed. The dog first ruined my carpets and now is starting to ruin my marriage. What can I do? Signed: Lonely in My Own Dog House

Blabby: It sounds as if there are some serious issues in this marriage. Mrs. Lonely’s husband appears to have shifted his affection to the new dog.

Crabby: Yes, I recall someone saying that you should never underestimate the warmth of a cold nose.

Blabby: Mrs. Lonely also seems to be jealous of the fact that the dog sleeps in their bed, which is very symbolic to her in that her love life is starting to suffer.

Crabby: I also recall someone saying that a man can’t sleep for long with two females at the same time.

Blabby: You are just a fountain of sayings aren’t you? Do you have any thoughts on how we can help Mrs. Lonely?

Crabby: I don’t think she should worry too much. She does have an alternative.

Blabby: And what might that be?

Crabby: A neighbor of mine went through the same thing a couple of years ago, when her husband bought a dog and lost his sensibility like Mr. Lonely. To show her displeasure, she bought a male dog and started behaving like her husband. The dog went everywhere with her.

Blabby: So how did this solve your neighbor’s problem?

Crabby: Well, the dog she bought was a Great Dane. As a puppy, he chewed up everything her husband left lying around. As the dog grew larger, he started chewing on her husband’s dog. The little thing, in self-defense, hid under the bed and wouldn’t come out. With the little dog under the bed, the Dane started sleeping in the bed with them. The real tragedy occurred one night when the Great Dane reached his full growth.

Blabby: And what was that?

Crabby: With all three of them in the same bed, the bed collapsed and crushed the husband’s little friend underneath.

Blabby: That’s a really sad story!

Crabby: It eventually had a happy ending. The wife agreed to get rid of the Great Dane, and her husband agreed not to buy another dog.

Blabby: So what happened after that?

Crabby: They bought a new bed, kissed and made up, and now are doing okay.

Blabby: We can’t recommend to Mrs. Lonely that she purchase a Great Dane and try that. A poor little dog perished as a result!

Crabby: I recall someone saying that when men go to the dogs, it’s pretty rough on the dogs.

Blabby: There you go again with the sayings. Do you have any better ideas?

Crabby: Loosen the bolts on their bed and not buy the Great Dane?

Blabby: You’re not very fond of dogs, are you?

Crabby: Not really. I’m a cat lover myself. I recall someone saying once that if you’re really a good person while here on earth, when you die you get to come back as a dog. If you are an exceptional person, you get to come back as a cat. Cat’s rule!

Blabby: I have a saying for you. You’ve already gone to the dogs!

By Don Griffin

Blabby and Crabby Blog