Cooking to Die For

Dear Blabby and
Crabby:

My wife passed away six months ago. Since then, our friends
and neighbors, and even strangers, have been so kind and considerate. Almost
every evening, I receive one or more casseroles from the caring single women in
our community. In addition, they’ve been offering to do many of my household
chores. I’ve gained 20 pounds since my wife’s death, and my refrigerator is
full of leftovers. While I greatly appreciate their gestures, I don’t know how
to gracefully decline their offerings without hurting their feelings. Do you
two have any suggestions? Signed: Bulging Bill

Blabby: It’s been said that the way to a man’s heart is
through his stomach. No doubt there are single ladies around who are practicing
this old adage.

Crabby: And if you recall from your undergraduate studies
that Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs placed food and water among the
physiological needs, which also includes sex.

Blabby: Now let’s not get distracted by theory.

Crabby: Theory? I think Bulging Bill may be bulging in other
ways, because he’s been getting some dessert along with the casseroles.

Blabby: Are you suggesting these women have ulterior
motives?

Crabby: Women always have ulterior motives! Bringing food to
a man is like baiting a mousetrap with cheese.

Blabby: And how is that?

Crabby: Both actions are designed to trap something, and
neither man nor the mouse sees it coming.

Blabby: You sound bitter. Hasn’t any woman ever brought you
a casserole as a goodwill gesture?

Crabby: Only once. When I was in graduate school, a
classmate brought me a tuna casserole as a thank you for helping her prepare
for a test, which she passed with flying colors.

Blabby: Wasn’t that a positive experience?

Crabby: Not really. I became so enamored with her that she
consumed my total thoughts. I flunked the class.

Blabby: I find this intriguing! It’s a great example once
again of how you don’t have any self-control.

Crabby: That’s my point exactly. Bulging Bill is afraid of
hurting someone’s feelings. He should be manipulating their desires. He could
get his lawn mowed, maybe even get the car washed and waxed. Jeez, if I were
getting all this attention, I wouldn’t be doing any chores around the house.
What’s a couple of pounds if you’re also getting dessert?

Blabby: I think I hear a timer going off in your head that’s
a reminder you’ve flunked another course in the lessons of goodwill toward men.

Crabby: Isn’t that a Christmas song?

Blabby: Yes. Our family usually sings it along with The Twelve Days of Insanity.

By Don Griffin

Blabby and Crabby Blog