Cooking to Die For

Dear Blabby and Crabby:

My wife passed away six months ago. Since then, our friends and neighbors, and even strangers, have been so kind and considerate. Almost every evening, I receive one or more casseroles from the caring single women in our community. In addition, they’ve been offering to do many of my household chores. I’ve gained 20 pounds since my wife’s death, and my refrigerator is full of leftovers. While I greatly appreciate their gestures, I don’t know how to gracefully decline their offerings without hurting their feelings. Do you two have any suggestions? Signed: Bulging Bill

Blabby: It’s been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. No doubt there are single ladies around who are practicing this old adage.

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Pirates in the Neighborhood?

Dear Blabby and Crabby:

I’ve been dating a widower in our neighborhood, and he is getting more and more amorous. I’m a woman of old-fashioned values. I want to make our wedding night special, but I’m not sure I can keep resisting his advances. He says we should get married now and take a special honeymoon trip. I own a small but successful business and can’t leave right now. He says he has a boating friend—a captain of a pontoon boat—who will marry us, so we can at least spend our nights together. I’ve heard that a ship’s captain can marry people. My beau says it’s perfectly legal, and we can get married again later in a church if I want. Can you give me some advice on this option? Signed: Lady in Waiting

Blabby: It sounds like the first thing Lady should do is get all the rats off the boat, including her husband to be! Read More >>

The Staples of a Good Marriage

Dear Blabby and Crabby:

My husband couldn’t find a pair of sox if they were the only things in his dresser drawer. Whether he’s looking for something or I ask him to get something for me, it’s always the same response: “I can’t find it, dear. Could you help me?” Are all older men this incapable, or is it just my husband?

I’ve enclosed my business card with my email address and telephone number. I really need to get a serious answer from you two. I’m so frustrated at his inability to find anything that I’m considering stapling directions and a picture of the object to his nose the next time he goes looking for something. Signed: Frustrated Fran

Blabby: Ouch! Can you imagine what that staple would feel like in your nose? Read More >>

Never Let It All Hang Out!

Dear Blabby and Crabby:

My husband and I just returned from a Caribbean sailing vacation in St. Barts. To add a little spice to our lives, we tried nude sun bathing while at anchor our first day out. Unfortunately, my husband has a fair complexion and didn’t use sunscreen. He burned badly in some places he never imagined and felt miserable the rest of the week. Needless to say, our vacation was ruined. When we returned home, I told some of our friends about his sunburn. Now he’s embarrassed and also mad at me. I think it’s funny, but he sees no humor in the situation at all. Am I wrong to talk about his problem with our friends? Signed: Hanging Out with Captain Red

Crabby: Oh man! I can feel his pain.

Blabby: Are you quoting our past president? Read More >>

Bambi Lover

Dear Blabby and Crabby:

My next-door neighbor and I have recently had a major falling out over the deer population in our neighborhood. He’s been throwing rocks and shooting a pellet rifle at them. I’m afraid he’s going to harm the little fawns. I like to see the deer come by. The abundant wildlife is one of the reasons I moved to this area. What can I do to protect these animals? Signed: Bambi Lover

Crabby: I was a Bambi lover in my youth but she worked at a strip club. Our relationship never worked out.

Blabby: I can’t imagine why. Read More >>